Strange Sunday

Today, I slept a record minimum of only 1 hour. That's right ladies and gentlemen, I stayed up almost the entire night mostly blogging and getting back in touch with some distant friends. Went back home at 9 and took a nap from 9.30 till 10.30. Then, took a shower and off to church!
Church today was excellent. Pastor Jenny started a series of talks about staying put with God. Today basically was talking about integrity and sticking by them. Finally found a reason to why I abhor smoking and alcohol. It really WAS about the principle (more on me and alcohol later).

Throughout the entire service, I actually felt a little light on my feet. In fact, I was probably having an adrenaline rush. That was NOT a reaction I expected. You'd think I'd be more tired and yawny but no... felt more like ready to go bungee jumping. But the message was good and I manage to get through the service as if I had enough sleep. (course, I did have a really good sleep the night before and that could be the reason I'm ok)

And after the service, there's the customary chatting and waiting. Usually, I'm quite happy just standing around and catching up with people I know. Today, I boldly went where I normally wouldn't go... be my cheeky self. Yes, I actually did something that ruin my good boy reputation most girls seem to think of me. Reflecting back, I probably was more open today then I can remember.

It's weird because as far as I remember, I'm only like that at home. With friends, not so much though the wisecracks are there. Among church friends, I'm even quieter, mostly coz most of what I think up is not appropiate for media. Heh.

I don't really know why exactly I'm so shy. Partly because I'm afraid some of the things I think up are not quite appropiate. Partly because I'm afraid I might sound too bossy. Partly because I fear rejection.

Somehow, these fears have always made me more withdrawn. I tend to stick in the background and keep my distance. That way I can be quite sure I'm not stepping on anyone's toes (figuratively speaking) and that I don't offend anyone. I've only just come to realize that this mentality is not right and it's something I'd like to change soon.

I can at least give a reason why I was suddenly a little bolder today. I say a little, because I know I can be more daring than that. One thing I realize is that when I'm tired, the first thing I lose is all the negative thoughts and shyness. A good example is while I was helping around the Megacentre. When I'm tired out, I'd stop worrying whether I'm overstepping any boundaries or not behaving appropiately. My mind is only consumed with getting the job done and that helps me perform faster and reach my actual limit. Same reason, those negative thoughts just somehow did not exist today.

Usually when I've recovered, I'd be terribly embarrassed but so far... I'm still numb. It's actually made this day quite good actually. Now if these continues....

MUAHAHAHAHAHahahahahahahaa....