Just something worth noting; since I put the site counter last week, I have received 81 hits over a period of just 8 days. that works out to be an average of 10 hits a day. Hahhaa... and here I thought hardly anyone visits my blog. Of course, almost half those hits came from Malaysia though I did get some weird ones such as from other blogs of people I have no idea about plus a couple from a google search of shoutlouder and a yahoo search of 'mnid'. After Malaysia was the UK which doesn't include my own checking in (ok, just the first times but was only 2!). But, the website from where most users came in from was Ee-lin's blog. Hmm... point worth noting. The most hits though came from TMNet which means either my family or friends back home. And, that's it. On to the main part...
Peace after the chaos
This photo I took of my living room is a perfect picture to mark my new beginning. Just for fun, I'll let you all think about why is the picture titled "Peace after the chaos". I'll give the reason later, maybe a week from now.
The title for this landmark post is very apt as well. At this point in time, I would just like to say my blog is finally, totally and 100% up. I have the tag-board I want plus an extra doodleboard which is kinda fun too (though no one posts on it. wonder why...). I have the links to the blogs I read plus links to some nice group websites. And I'm link to everything I want. Probably some of the links will be updated, new ones will be added but the template is pretty much settled and that's where I want to mark this new beginning from.
Well, basically the last few weeks have been quite hectic for me in terms of work and socializing. And I've felt a little pressured, felt like being pushed into a direction which I didn't like. But, after spending some time in church and rediscovering the wonders of God, I can firmly say NO. I have heard many times about peer pressure and have always felt I can stop its influence on my life. So far, I have been moderately successful. I said I won't drink, I had the occasional drink. I said I won't find a girlfriend, I didn't. Many things I say I won't do, I didn't do or didn't go into the extreme. However, standing up to it, saying no to it took a lot out of me and I have felt more and more pressed into submiting to it. Felt like being pushed by everyone into submitting into the lifestyle that is 'normal' by the world standards.
And I haven't. The difference between my priorities and the world's priorities is causing a lot of friction within me. One side says, follow your heart. The other says, just give in and follow the world. As a result, I've grown moodier and easily show a black face. I won't blame anyone for causing this friction for I know you are all only concern about me and you want me to be successful. But, I must take this time to vent a little of this off and to tell all, family and friends alike, please back off.
Many have told me, find a girlfriend, do well in your studies so you can get a good job. Also, many said that I should drink some beer because next time, socializing with colleagues will involve that. First of all, it's these very words that have been driving me up the wall.
And so, right here, right now, I am going to come clean. I admit, I have compromise my standards sometimes. I say I would not masturbate, I have failed to live up to those words. I said I would not drink, within the last 2 months, I have drunk 3 can of beers, 4 shots of vodka and a shot of tequila. I know I am prone to anger and I do not always see things the way people see things. I am not proud of these things and I choose not to do them again, God willing.
And now, my priorities. In terms of girlfriends and all that, please let me decide. I know you all worry about me. I have heard many saying I should get one because it's the next step. But I believe that when the right girl for me comes, I will know because God will show her to me. Yes, we cannot just say God, show me my soulmate and sit in the house all day but at the same time, I know God will bring me into the relationship world when He knows I'm ready for it. So, I say just let Him work His magic in my life. I choose to just enjoy knowing girls and understanding them for now. Please respect my decision.
The second thing. Some have said I should learn to drink. Some even go as far as saying I should learn to smoke a bit because the peer pressure in the working life will get me into it. Not to drink or smoke excessively but to do it socially. I say, NO. I refuse to drink anything alcoholic (with the exception of shandy, wine and champagne as they seem OK for now...) anymore. If you truly respect me in any way, please don't ever force to me to drink anymore. I fear I might hurt you physically or mentally. As for smoking, that is something I will never pick up, God willing. If you smoke, that is your choice. Just don't lead me into that life. I choose to draw the line for both these things. If I ever compromise on this again, it will only be for the Glory of God.
I find the world very shallow. You study, you graduate, get a good job with good pay, get married, have children and enjoy a wonderful family life. NO! I am not going down the same path. I say, work in a job where I can serve the community the best and do God's work here on earth. That is my plan for life. So what if I don't get a good pay? I don't care! When I say it's not about the money, it's really not about the money. For it is said in the Bible,
Matthew 6:26-30 - Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or storeI choose to live a life after Him and not after anything anybody says the world is like.
away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more
valuable than they? Who of you by owrrying can add a single hour to his life?
And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They
do not labour or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his
splendour was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of
the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not
much more clothe you, O you of little faith?
I take a stand to follow my Father in heaven forever and ever. Yes, I will stumble along the way but I keep faith and hold on to His promise that He will never forsake me. Just as my parents are always there for me and point me in the right direction, how much more will God be there for me and guide me! I take a stand not to follow what feng shui says. I take a stand not to believe in luck. I take a stand not to fashion myself to what the world says is good. I have chosen the path less taken. The straight and narrow. I have chosen to do what God wants me to do. I believe that everything that happens is a work of God's hands. And that, is how I can only live.
Matthew 5:33 - But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these
things will be given to you as well.
This decision is not something I decided on a whim. I have been thinking it through. Believe in me when I say I have thought long and hard, taking into consideration what everyone has said. Yes, living differently from others will be hard but that's something I am willing to face as I know God is with me. I cannot and will never try again to fit in. I know it will be hard but at the same time, I know it's the only way for me. Compromising my promises and my priorities is always going to haunt me. It will tear me inside. Holding on to them, leaning on God and following my conscience will lead me to peace within my soul. It's not something that's only happening when I'm old. I am at peace even now.
A saying I heard in the movie 'What A Girl Wants' is so true; "Why fit in when you stand out?" Why indeed.
NICE PHOTO!!!!!!!!!
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